Now & Z/Yen - October 1999
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Now & Z/Yen - October 1999
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"Zest for Enlightenment" The Irregular Newsletter of Z/Yen Limited 31 October 1999
Loony Tunes
I’ll Take an Option on That Rain-check!
Z/Yen has just completed a major study into the market for Over the Counter (OTC) derivatives processing for a major bank. The team comprised Michael Mainelli, Mary O’Callaghan, Alan Leale-Green, Paul Cattermull, Robert Pay and Jacqueline Goldberg. As Mary O’Callaghan’s first assignment (she joined Z/Yen in August), she thought she’d buy a plain vanilla option - simple ice cream can be so refreshing on a hot summer day – but only got a bunch of legal papers jabbering on about interest rates. Undeterred, she thought she’d try a swap, recalling the days when you could get three gobstoppers and a rolled up piece of string for two prize conkers and a couple of cards from crisp packets. Sadly, all she got was a bunch more legal papers, this time jabbering on about currencies. Finally, she got a demand saying it had all gone the wrong way and she’d lost £100M. Seriously, the assignment has been a great success for both client and Z/Yen. Those of you who are interested in this subject are welcome to a copy of the published results.
Mal-Diving
A Port in Every Girl
Z/Yen and Jaffe recently held a joint port tasting evening aboard the Lady Daphne. Tim Double-Hyphen-Barrelled (check exact name – ed) explained all the ports in incredible plummy detail, although the learning all got a bit blurred by the third glass. A mass outbreak of gout arrived the next day, but a good time was had by all on the evening.
Homeless Harris
Great Bourse of the Day
Z/Yen’s "Boating Bourse", a technology stock exchange based on our technology commercialisation expertise, proved to be a hugely successful attraction this year on the Lady Daphne. Hats off to Marie Logan and Rakesh Shah for their sterling efforts in putting this fascinating and fun piece of edutainment (sic) together. In true Z/Yen style we have sold the bourse and it has already spun off once as a "legal bourse" for client awaydays and training events.
Bad Press Days We Have Known
The television company ITV is a prospective client for us. ITV needs a huge injection of quality talent – they’ve been reduced to having Michael on their programme "Capital Gains" to talk about future technology in the financial markets. A more fitting use of his talents (everyone looks ten pounds heavier on television Michael) has been his recent appointment to the advisory board of City University’s School of Informatics.
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As part of the Z/Yen office
re-furbishment and re-organisation,
Jo Hughes has computerised the library and the team is computer referencing the
filing system. Being Z/Yen, Linda Cook is livening up the process by insisting
that all physical locations (filing cabinet drawers in most cases) are named
after cartoon characters. The usual bottle of Z/Yen bubbly is up for grabs if
you provide the best ideas. So far we think that the CV drawer should be named
Pinocchio. In particular, we would like to know which Z/Yen people’s personnel
files should appear in the following drawers: Grumpy, Pepe le Pew, Wile E
Coyote, Daisy Duck, the Tasmanian Devil, Dastardly & Mutley, Olive Oyl,
Elmer Fudd, Goofy, Shaggy, Betty Boop. Only polite suggestions for locating
client files, please.
Not just bad at French, Michael went diving in the Maldives
(some of you thought it had been a bit quiet these last few weeks). We’re not
too sure how well baby Xenia enjoyed this holiday, but rumour has it she’s
still in Krautland somewhere. As her last trip was to North Korea (check
exact location – ed) when yet unborn, we’re starting to wonder how our
child protection charity clients would react if they knew about Mainelli-style
child care.
Anyone wanting a two hour lecture on "builder
blight" need only call Ian Harris to get the short explanation. Meanwhile,
rumours suggest that he is selling the Big Issue underneath the Waterloo arches,
other rumours suggest that he is staying with the ever suffering Janie, while
the craziest rumour of all says he’ll be back to normal by the time you read
this.