"The Z/Yen Risqué assessment was going very well." from David Devine
"Although taking lessons, Paul's rendition of the 'Laughing Policeman' was just rubbish!" from Jilly Clark
"Ian demonstrates why he's not allowed to eat using sharp items." from David Eagleberger
"Jez was a whiz with numbers, but had yet to master the office guillotine." from James Pitcher
"Linda was getting out her autograph book, as Wolf had always been her favourite Gladiator." from Ruth Snelling
"Mark was really surprised to find that 'dress' was M&S and NOT S&M." from Jean Blewitt
"After their free bottle of bubbly from Z/Yen the girls found it difficult to get their leg over this slippy character" from Andrew Harrold
"The prize of "Driving a Roller for the day" had come up to expectations" from Alan Green
"Unfortunately Monique misunderstood the 'get a detailed grip on the big picture' element of PropheZy." from William Rea
"Luckily, Ian had told his blind date he'd be wearing a black cap - otherwise the confusion would be embarrassing when she arrived." from Ailsa Grant-Turton
"Accompany you to the station, officer? But where’s your piano?" from Marc Falconer
"That’s one small step for Michael, one great leap for Z/yenkind." from Michael Parsons
"If you’re a god, why do your feet smell?" from Rob Falconer
"Z/Yen’s resident rocket scientist proves he can dissect a dalek prompting speculation that he may be the next Doctor Who." from Jennie Austin
"Z/Yen think-tank wins Turner Prize." from Evelyn Johnston
"What do you mean, if you listen closely you can hear Michael's lecture?" from Eric Smith
"After Z/Yen's attainment of a 2006 gold award for charitable giving in the workplace, some staff ruminated that management's decision to give away their desks and chairs in pursuit of this year's award was perhaps, in hindsight, a little over-Z/EALOUS." from Richard Marshall
"Obviously Z/Yen has no boundaries." from K C Mankell
"The Z/Yen increased rainfall risk assessment was running into trouble." from David Devine
"And this is a photo of Oscar's very first Control-Alt-Delete....." from Mike Young
"Well, the last thing I can remember is that I was at a party on Michael Mainelli's sailing barge..........." from Michael Marchant
"Of course I climbed here all by myself, what gives u the idea I didn't." from Lisa Day
"Lorna suddenly understood why it was important to read her e-mails when it came to the office move." from Stephen Morris
“In cookie, Veritas.” from Emma Weiss
"Well someone put another 20p in to make it go!" from Liz Gregory
"Giles was pleased because he thought he was being head-hunted." from Geoff Dagger
"The mule, the bad and the ugly." from Gohil Harish
"Lady Daphne's Naughty Little Sister." from Tim Hopkirk
"‘It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a married man in possession of four daughters must be in want of a husband.’ [And will go to any lengths to find at least one.] With apologies to Jane, Abigail, Eleanor, Stephanie and Josephine" from Paul Rochford
"Listen, I am the doctor here so how long ago did you say you were abducted by aliens?" from Angie Williams
"Jeremy modelling the undercover disguise for anonymous surveys." from Philip Foo
"Unfortunately, our Change Management does not extend to nappies, Madam." from Robert Falconer
"Pretty small for a T.A.R.D.I.S." from John Drummond
"Bonfire of the Z/Yenities?" from Dudley Edmunds
"All I said Giles, was to get me some hair conditioner." from Valérie Falconer
"The blindfold slips, Ian realises that the gun is pointed at him." from Ray Wallhead
"Michael was stunned when the lap dancer revealed herself to be Ian Harris in drag." from Brendan May
"Although Z/Yen's consultancy on the script was appreciated, Spielberg eventually plumped for 'Phone home' instead of the more descriptive 'Remote accessing of host LAN with leveraged neural network hub routed via bio-tech palmtop node matrix.'" from Nicholas Johnston
"Imagine viking up with that on the pillow next to you." from Nicholas Johnston
"Although valiant, the emergency Heli-pad plan had its shortcomings..." from Sarah Routly
"My dickie looks Z/Yen times better than yours!!" from Kate Affleck
"Finding Nemo was going to be more difficult than first thought." from Geoff Dagger
"The latest technology software suite PropheZy helps by identifying adverse hat patterns and is proven to reduce fashion faux-pas' by over 85%." from Dave Whelbourn
"And I would like to vehemently deny all accusations of money laundering." from Robert Falconer
"Ian’s four hairdressers get their just rewards." from Ray Wallhead
"First pictures of the newest Olympic event - Toad Balancing." from John Hockenhull
"If your pet monkey does not let go of my finger this instant, I will have all four of you removed from the grounds!" from Nick Jones
"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice pint of Boddington's." from Andrew Smith
"Rodin has a re-Think." from Kevin Honey
"The winner?................well it's a 'fir cone' conclusion!"
"And welcome to 'I'm a Z/Yen celebrity...Get me out of here!" from Clare Bloodworth
"Michael say, 'Sound of one hand clapping causes mighty wind and tower, like equity market, collapses.'" from Dudley Edmunds
"Linda's over Z/EALOUS souvenir shopping reached new heights." from Hazel Rea
"Giles couldn't help an evil grin as he saw the light glint on the trip wire that he had put just before the finish line." from Angela Govus
"All crammed in there, they look like battery Z/Yens." from James Bobbett
"Can you play it Z/Yen Sam?" from Su Kent
"Michael was shocked by how much the sails had shrunk during their annual dry cleaning." from Brendan May
"Z/Yen staff prepare their protective clothing as a prelude to introducing principles of Change Management to a long established company." from Jon Sellers
"The Z/Yen alcoholics anonymous meeting was not going too well." from Amy Stupple-Bagnall
"Following a few months at Z/Yen, Laura demanded solitary confinement." from John White
"Z/Yen and the Art of Crop Circle Maintenance." from Gail Skerritt
"Return to Z/Yender." from Sandra Lemon
"Michael decided that mean and moody in the Stationary Cupboard was the look he was aiming for..." from Lindsay Price
"Ken Dodd's clone escapes after night out in Diddyland." from Jeannette Clements
"I do think corporate body bags is going too far." from Bob Clark
"You're one of those, mate!" from Paul Newton
"Michael's 'zest for enlightenment' wore him out and he ended up missing his station." from Janine Learner
"The school's policy on headlice was very firm." from Barbara Seed
"Listen guys it was left over after the Notting Hill carnival - I just haven't got the hang of playing it yet!" from Eric Jones
"Colleagues' stag night prank proves the old ones really are the best as groom drifts into North Sea." from Brendan May
AND
"After two and a half years, the stag night prank was beginning to wear thin." from Andy Seed
"No, I asked if you had a MESSAGE that I can take back for President Bush !!" from M Salisbury
"Stephen: Hey, where's your hand? Bear: Same place as yours." from Liz Gregory
"I would have thought the Queen could have come up with a better Garden Party for her Jubilee." fromy Rob Falconer
"First I'm forced to wear this jumper and now the telly's knackered. Is my life really worth living?" from Melanie Gardiner
"The hula hoop weight loss programme yields remarkable results after just eight months of continuous use." from Matthew Howes
"Slowly, Michael began to realise the 'bulk purchase industrial strength deodorant' from Chechnya was not a good idea!" from Charles Bartlett
"Do you have to stand on that box Michael?" from Harish Gohil
"Kabul falls and Agent Harris abandons the burqa." from Colin MacMillan
